Not Too Poetry

I wept when I saw
our blue kayak mounted high
on a coffee shop wall

The blue kayak we didn’t buy
Is now mounted in a coffee shop
Offering a different escape

We never did buy the blue kayak
Or take that river trip
It’s now mounted in a coffee shop
As if it was art
For a different kind of escape.

I’ve been told I should cut the poem down, discarding any extraneous words.
Which version works best do you think?